It's finally not gas!!!!

This is the real deal we set him up on his boppy and he was all smiles.

The envy of everyone's white elephant gifts!

It is that time of year to celebrate the birth of the Savior, to enjoy time with family and friends and of course ye old white elephant gift exchanges... I daresay that the white elephant gift that I recieved this year tops all white elephant gifts(you really have to see it in person to get the true effect). I am a person that has always been drawn to big presents especially in white elephant exchanges. Well now I get to look at myself in a mirrior decorated with flowers with early 90's colors. The only thing is where to hang it? Our storage space has been looking a little drab lately.

A new job?

Anyone want to hire me to take their babies pictures?...I do a really good job. Thanks goodness my friend Heather gave me a coupon to take my child to JC Penney's portrait studio or this breathtaking picture of Riley would be sent in all of the Christmas cards. Thanks again Heather!

RETREAT!!

Usually crying "retreat" with gusto occurs during a battle which the vocal warrior is losing. However, the BYU-Idaho Activities program frequently raises the cry of RETREAT! at the end and beginning of each semester. There are several differences this retreat has from the heat of battle: no blood, no loss of life, no loss of honor, etc. This past weekend resulted in a victorious retreat, filled with growth, unity and Sloppy Joe's. We jammed, played pictionary and signs, congregated in a barn, did push-ups, took notes, shared experiences, took down Mr. Sir, prayed with flatulence, and most importantly learned more about becoming an effective leader and coming unto Christ. The 2008 Winter semester will experience an awakening. Similar to the valour suit present Saturday morning: new, intriguing, comfortable and desirable.

The Ohio State University College of Dentistry

I have been weighed in the balances and have been found wanting. I received an email this morning from The Ohio State University College of Dentistry regarding my admission status. They have informed me that I am on the alternate list. Question: What is an alternate? Fact: An alternate is an applicant that did not make the top 26 out of 60 non-residents. Question: What does an alternate do? Fact: Alternates will wait until December 5th, contact the aforementioned university and hope they are high up on the list.

I believe we have received this particular waiting experience to instruct The Better Half with patience. Indeed, I will entreat her suffering until Wednesday next week. Pray for us.

Louisifer At His Best

The picture below captures Louisifer's personality, humor and ambition for life remarkebly well. He tends to incline towards female sensitivity and has a passion for hair design. Beginning with his own sideburn curls and blonde locks, Louisifer's luster exceeds even the experienced. Take him for what he is worth and you will not be disappointed. Rather you will find your own preferences slowly adapting in mimicry of this ostentatious comic.

My "cute" Brother-in-law

Here is what happens when the hour is late, your younger sisters are visiting, and everyone is in need of a good laugh...

Origin of Hoju

Hoju has been growing out of his newborn clothes. He's turned from his newborn alien status into a real boy. Pinocchio would be jealous. In the following photos he is sporting a tan overall-long sleeve shirt combo, courtesy of Babys'R'Us. Question: Does he look anything like me? Answer: The Milk Man.

The Unfortunate Truth

I feel that a very dear friend has been weaving untrue information regarding the care of my son. The Truth is far different. I think the perp will agree that he/she has been trying to undermine my validity. Look at this picture below. Would I neglect my son?

Riley

Ok, so maybe this isn't the best picture of Riley, but his eyes are REALLY open!

I never thought that I could be so in love with someone just after a month of knowing them! He is perfect, maybe that's the mother in me, but he is. Today he is one month old and growing every second, literally he is in 3 month clothing. He is his father's child. I think that he wants to smile at me but again maybe that's the mother in me. When I was pregnant and imagining the hard part of being a mom, I thought about poopie diapers, up all night, bath time and breastfeeding, but all of those have been a piece of cake compared to "the pacifier" or whatever you prefer to call it. When Riley was a couple days old we gave it to him and he could take it or not take it, but not anymore, he thinks that he needs it anytime he is sleepy (he's a newborn, you do the math) So needless to say my hand is attached to his pacifier which is attached to his mouth (you can imagine how much I get done around the house). But Riley is happy and that's all that matters. Ryan keeps asking for scotch tape every time he is trying to put him to sleep, so now I always hold the pacifier in his mouth till he falls asleep.

Uncalled For

Ryan and I are in a feud. he wants to put nicknames such as Ryan = Homer, Riley = Hoju (Homer Junior) and I= The Better Half which is true (just kidding!) I think that everyone that looks at this is going to know our real names anyway..right? So needless to say, if you see a post that says our real names, and you go back later and see that the names have been changed to nicknames, you'll know why. :)

The Lone Thanksgiving

Tommorow is one of my favorite holidays. Why? because I can stuff myself to oblivion and not feel guilty. Last year we had ALL of Ryan's family come from Oregon and it was a blast! This year there are three people attending our Thanksgiving "feed", as Ryan would put it. Ryan, Riley, and I, and one of us can't even eat real food. So, two of us are going to stuff ourselves to the rafters. Happy Turkey Day Everyone!

Umaremashita!

The time has come. The son is born. Hoju entered this world on Saturday, October 27th at 8:34 PM weighing in at 8lbs 12 ounces. He's the highlight of our lives. Labor and delivery were fascinating. I never knew how much stuff comes out with the baby. My favorite part (beside seeing my son slide out of my wife) was when the delivery nurse pushed on her uterus and the fluid/blood hit the doctor in the chest. Pretty stinking cool. I think the nurses and the doctor were either creeped out or annoyed with all the questions I was asking. I did stump some of them, which was not my intention, but fun none the less. To describe and relate everything that happened within the 12 hour labor, delivery and two days in the hospital would be long and tedious. Instead I will list the highlights - comments and events. You get to fill in the details with your imagination.

• "We're adopting the rest of our children"
• "We Shurtz's produce very thirsty babies"
• "Turn off the camera"
• Birthing is stinky.
• Glen hiding in the curtain.
• Genetics test.
• Motivation to push harder - doctor leaving the room and the use of the vacuum.
• Cutting the cord.
• Juices squirting on my arm.
• Sutures
• 1:00Am - 2:00AM - 3:00AM - 4:00AM.....
• The SPACIOUS father's chair/bed
• Passing out
• Official bathroom/shower monitor
• The Yellow Stickers
• Raiding the guest fridge and cupboards.
• Survey and Hospital Quality
• Breastfeeding = Sore Nipples
• Figuring out how I knew Fay.
• Is she old enough to be a nurse?
• Janet - the woman with all the answers
• Pediatric Manhandling
• "Can I have some percocet?"
• Myconeum anyone?

Just to name a few.

Arrrrrrrrr!!!! There be smooth sailing in these waters!

September 19th came and went with many United States citizens missing out on the greatest "new" national holiday. Shiver me Timbers. I'll run ya through with me blade. The answer be four. Aye Aye Captain! Batten down the hatches. He's got the scurvy. Walk the plank! Aye matey. Mermaid off the port bow! National Talk Like a Pirate Day enables such phrases to be used frequently for 24 hours of delight. Use them to draw attention from co-workers and friends alike. Initially they may shun you. But once they understand the importance of this national holiday, they'll join in the fun and be making such request as, "Give me Your Booty!" or yell out a good "AAARRR!" So when 2008 calendars start to appear, remember to mark your calendar with a skull and cross bones, gleefully anticipating next year's conversation raiding frenzy.

Where Were You?

So, on this day everyone I talked with at work had to share where they were and what they were doing on September 11, 2001. Some give more details than others. Others try to "one-up" the other workers' stories. I feel like I am in the middle of a Farside comic. Gathered together with other forest critters, we're discussing where each of us were when Bambi's mother died. I was sleeping when it happened. Being a freshman in college that's what I did.

Academic Pursuit

I was asked recently if I was ready for my university education to resume. I replied in the affirmative. In that moment I realized that I was not prepared for my courses. I have no supplies, books, or a new bag to place them in. Also, I am not looking forward to standing in line to purchase books at the bookstore. Which reminds me of our adventure at K-Mart and Albertson's. We probably would have headed over to Sam Waldon's Store of Savings, but I would rather eat chalk. This particular Saturday every freshmen and their parents flock to Wally World to stock up for the semester. Contemplating the recent patience of The Better Half, we chose the alternative. As a result, we are up to Father Times hair line in cereal. There were sales for 10 boxen for $10 and 6 boxen for $10. We indulged in both and are enjoying the plethora of Post's and General Mills' goodness. Have you ever heard of Box Top pirating? Apparently it is legal. You can spot the pirating parents chillin' by the displays at the front of the grocery store. They usually have sharp objects, all respectable pirates do. Once they spot a cereal grocer with one box or ten, they swoop in, demand Box Tops and slice them off, quickly retreating to their previous positions to poise themselves for their next conquest.

Wendy's Blunder

Today I took the boys out for lunch. To decide between Arby's and Wendy's, Cave had a "best two out of three" Japanese rock-paper-scissors (Jonkenpo) competition. The later of the two won. So, Wendy's it was. Upon seeing the menu, I had to sigh with sadness at the reminder that the $0.99 menu had all but disappeared. A year or so ago their prices rose to $1.19. Now they've crept to $1.29 for most of the "Value Menu" burgers and sandwiches. Anyway, we all ordered and received our JBC's. Then upon seeing the size I paused. The JBC had shrunk to the size of a dinner roll. Not only do they raise their prices they shrink my food. Doesn't the corporate have enough money? Couldn't they use that extra 20-30 cents to keep the JBC at its original appetite satisfying size? I appeal to reason. I propose that we solicit Chuck Norris to Round-House kick the Corporate geniuses who made the shrinking decision in the face at 1/6th strength to render them paralyzed instead of dead (A.K.A.: Chuck Norris disease). Can I get a second on the motion?

Homer's House of Pain

I opened my school email account on Saturday to find a very surprising and welcomed email from THE Ohio State University School of Dentistry Admissions Director. I know, it's a mouth full. They invited me to an interview. Yes, I still have a chance at being a dentist and carrying the family legacy to its fourth generation. My initial reaction was disbelief and then excitement. I felt like a ten year old who had just walked into the living room on Christmas morning to see the long awaited Huffy ten speed leaning on its chrome kick stand. I called family to let them know. When The Better Half called her mother, she flipped out and started hunting for apartments. I think she drove the three hours to Columbus that night to check out a few of her hopefuls. Just yesterday during a drive with my brother and his wife, we were thinking about different names for a store or shop or practice to open. The top two were Louisifer's, (purposely done in a bright red Neon sign) and Homer's House of Pain. Then again pain is a buzz word. Maybe we should alter the name a bit: Homer's House of Pressure.

The Club

Recently, The Better Half began an analysis of everyone she's known since kindergarten to invite them to be her friend on facebook. I come home often to find her eyes glued to the screen, hoping she has made another friend's top friends list. Encourgaed by her recent interest in keeping in contact with friends via online posting/blogging, I have finally decided that it was time for me to stop thinking it was stupid to have a blog and create one. So, here it is. I find that I know nothing about it. I feel like a freshmen in college who has not quite figured out how to register for classes or even knows that I have been assigned an advisor to aid my academic journey. I know that upon similar discoveries with my blog I will feel inexperienced and naive. But I do feel some accomplishment for making the step and joining the vast millions who belong to the online bloggers club.